I looked at my own cervix.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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