I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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