He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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