I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
