I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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