So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
