Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize