I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
