My liver just broke up with me...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
