put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
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I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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