and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
