Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
