Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
