Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
