there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
