so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
