im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
