Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
