How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is Oprah even human
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
