I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
