I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
