someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
