i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
