Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
