i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.