the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.