I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!