my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.