I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.