I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
