Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
