i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
