My room smells like vodka and shame
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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