I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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