like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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