I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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