OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
