He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
