I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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