it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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