Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
