so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
