Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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