He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
