Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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