We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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