And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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