no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
