billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
