It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
