So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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