i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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