Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
