Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
