I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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