I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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