I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Randomize
