Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
