My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
