dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's always time for handjobs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
